Can remember I used to always think I was a maverick. One of those who had it figured out. As a maverick, in my choice of clothes, in my need to stay single, without wanting children, because imagine if my children inherited those same genes! And did everyone really have to participate in that house-hugging, house-hugging, house-hugging! And so I started blogging – but first on a journal – I had to record that for posterity, after all.
So during my high school years I struggled terribly with that. Of course I had girlfriends, but they were always on their way to be at odds with each other. And there I was – as that absolute goddess of peace – who didn’t want trouble, and who thought life – even then – was too short for quarrels and other upsets. I was even sent to a psychologist at the time because I was going down in all the struggles of others. Not that such a visit to a psychologist really helped me. It made me feel even more vulnerable. And even more that misfit.
I compared myself to a wild horse that absolutely did not want to be caught, particularly that everything I thought and felt was of such an extravagant degree that no one would be able to keep up. Imagine if I had to march along at the pace of the jig of those “ordinary” people. Actually, I felt I was too good for “the system” of “ordinary people. After all, I whirled far above that. And looked down on that rabble. That was really looking down. It is actually embarrassing that I dare to write that down now.
Actually, blogging and the advent of social media have been very good for me. I noticed that many people were in substantial agreement with me, all of a sudden, and that they felt and experienced much the same. Just by sharing my feelings and thoughts I realized that wasn’t even as extravagant as I thought at the time. Then again, that was such a revelation. A world of concern and happiness opened up to me.
It amazes me even, that now I hear such negative things about blogging and Social Media. The very generations that are growing up now are supposedly going down because of it. And so then I wonder – as that eternal “former” misfit – if they feel and experience the same as I did back then. But time will tell, because in my case it has healed all my wounds.
