When I finally passed 50, I still felt myself young at heart. I have a thriving social life and am the undisputed champion of weekly potty dating. But menopause proved to be my biggest challenger.
One day, during an intense date with my boyfriend, I felt an unprecedented excitement. Not because of an exciting fling, but because my bowels decided to take on a life of their own. As I played a triumphant trump card, I felt a restless bubbling in my stomach. “Please not now,” I thought.
It started with a soft growl. My friend looked up. I tried to pretend nothing was wrong, but my tummy had other plans. With every passing minute, the fight grew fiercer. My Triumph card might have won the battle, but my gut was fighting back.
Suddenly, during a crucial move, an inviting nod to a delicious kissing session during that first date, I felt it. An unexpected and uncontrollable escape of air. It was a sound that even my best bluffing poker face could not hide. My friend, used to my clever game, could not contain his laughter. “Got a new triumph card?” he joked as he tried to hold back his laughter.
I laughed too, but my blush told a different story. My body seemed to have developed its own comic timing. As I laughed, I felt another urgency. My bladder, faithful over the years, suddenly decided to contribute to this hilarity as well.
With a look of sheer panic, I jumped up and ran to the toilet. But not without first leaving a small puddle on the seat. My friend yawned. “I know you always leave your mark, but this is quite a wet signature!”
When I returned, still a little red with embarrassment but smiling, I said “Ah pal, menopause ensures that I never have another dull moment. And neither will you!”
From that day on, I got a new nickname “The Triumph Card”, not because of my skill in flirting, but because of my unmistakable and unexpected noises. And every time I got into a rash of lovemaking, my friend always made sure there were extra pillows and a plastic tarpaulin ready, just in case I had another moment of uncontrollable hilarity.
I had learned to embrace my menopause and the surprises it brought. And although I had lost a little control over my bowels and bladder, I had gained something much more valuable: an inexhaustible source of laughter moments and a stronger bond with my friend.
